What Exactly is Grief? How Does One Overcome it?

By Vanika

What Exactly is Grief? How Does One Overcome it? 

There is no guide available for how you can express your grief, and neither is there a right or wrong way to do it. When suffering from a loss, it’s important to confront your emotions healthily rather than turning towards unhealthy coping mechanisms. In this article, we will try to understand what grief is, its type or stages, and some healthy ways of coping with loss. 

 

What’s Grief?

In simple terms, grief is our natural response to the loss of something we love and cherish. For some people, it can be stressful and overwhelming and some might be able to overcome their grief easily. There is no fixed way of coping with loss. It’s subjective and no one should be forced to feel less or questioned for feeling less.  

Grief is often associated with bereavement but it’s not the only situation where one is coping with loss. There are many life situations where one might feel the same way, like- 

• Losing a Job
• Divorce or breakup
• Loss of a friendship 
• Financial stability. 
• Life goals  
• Illnesses 
• Loss of personal possessions
• Loss of neighbourhood or community  
• Death of a pet
• Miscarriage  

A loss does not need to be significant and life-changing for you to feel disheartened about it. Regardless of how big or small it is, the way you’re feeling is justified.

The 5 stages of grief  

The model ‘The five stages of grief’ developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, talks about the stages of grief a person may be going through while coping with loss.

The main benefit of Kubler’s work was the grief of people dying with illnesses but it’s often used in developing a sense of understanding of grief in general. 

Even though it’s known as the ‘stages’ of grief, one can go through them in no particular order, feel all of them at the same time, or even skip some of them. The five stages are- 

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression 
• Acceptance

 

Denial

It’s common for people to face a hard time during the early stages of loss. Numbness, denial, rejection, and suppression of emotions are some signs that can indicate that the person is facing a hard time accepting the loss initially.  

Anger

Loss is sudden and not many are prepared for what’s going to happen afterwards. One might feel that it's unfair what they are going through which could come out as anger. Anger can be shown towards the thing or person that they are deprived of or at themselves for personal reasons. 

Bargaining 

Acceptance is not easy for everyone. Some might be able to overcome their loss easily but for some, accepting such cruel change in their life can be hard. Since accepting reality isn’t coming so easily, people can reminisce and try to think of other ways things could have turned out. The ‘what if’ questions can keep them hoping things have turned out differently.  

Depression

It’s okay to feel sad during bereavement. The longing and pain of it can be overwhelming and exhausting while making it hard for people to accept the reality. Getting over loss is not easy and the feeling may remain constant for some. 

Acceptance

Feeling that things will get back to the way they were is not easy after a loss but over time, the pain gets less, and people become used to their new life and even accept the reality of things. Accepting does not mean that they have come to terms with the loss, it’s just that they have learned to live with the changes and the memories. 

 

Some Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Deal With Loss

Loss can be hard. Sometimes the emotions can be so overbearing that losing for an escape, even temporarily, becomes important but one has to keep in mind that whatever they are doing to make things right again does not have any negative impact on them, be it physically or mentally. Though, the solutions to coping with loss may be subjective, here are some effective ways to deal with it-

 

Find comfort in friends and family. It’s important to let those close to you know what you’re going through. Let them comfort you and hear you out. Shutting yourself out and not communicating your feelings may have some negative impact on you mentally leading to distress.  

If you’re someone religious or spiritual, make more room for it. Believing in some greater power often draws positive energy from those who believe in it and there is nothing wrong in embracing activities that can bring mental peace to oneself while mourning.  

If your feelings are becoming too overwhelming, try and meet more people who are dealing with similar problems. The feeling of being understood and relating can bring a sense of comfort to a mind in distress. There are many support groups available for people who find it hard to overcome loss. There is nothing wrong with reaching out and sharing your pain.

Help is there if you need it, all you have to do is reach out for it. Grief can be overbearing and harmful in the long run. Even after some while, if you are still feeling the same emptiness, you should reach out to a therapist or a grief counsellor.  

Take care of yourself. Your emotions are justified. Take your time to accept and heal but make sure you’re taking care of yourself while doing it. Keep a balanced diet, stay hydrated, and meditate. This too shall pass. 

To know more about Empowering Strength: Developing Resilience to Overcome Life's Obstacles read here

To know more about myths and facts about grief read here

References 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/five-stages-of-grief/

Tags: #grief #overcominggrief #sadness #depression #mentalhealth #loss #copingmechanism #5stagesofgrief